Running in Circles
I'm so over this anxiety. So over this film reel that plays over and over again in my head. Playing horrible lies and betrayals...and the little aching in my head/heart whispers "think about it. it could be true. just indulge it for a second." And then I do and the whole scenario is out of control and then I am giving attitude to people for crimes that I have no real proof that they have committed. And then I have to apolagize. I'm so totally over this.
And it gets me thinking about people who suffer from true debilitating mental illness. This anxiety is no picnic, don't get me wrong. But I can meditate through it or go to the gym and spin my little heart out. But the paranoia of some schizophrenics...it makes me so sad to think of the life that it robs from people. B/c my little plotlines are so real to me and I am someone who can can rationalize them away...to a certain extent. How cruel is it for the brain to just allow these delusions to take hold of some people with such reality? And our society has no patience or understanding for such illnesses. I offer no solution. It just got me thinking...and made me feel grateful for my ability to walk away from these mind-games...even if it challenges my happiness from time to time...
2 comments:
I suffer from panic/anxiety disorder to a degree (I mean, I've got meds and such) and it is awful. The worst parts: not knowing what the hell is triggering it, knowing rationally that nothing is happening but still experiencing the physical reaction of fear, the sudden unexpected moments of complete panic, the physical symptoms (for me, tummy problems and insomnia) and the fact that very few people understand. I still think I'm lucky, because I'm aware and being treated...I feel terribly for the people who don't understand what goes on, and who aren't understood as a result.
Good thinkin'!
Jecca,
wanted to stop by and say hello and thank you for commenting on my little space... your words are always wonderful and mean a lot.
take care
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