Just Blame the Hormones
It's just one of those days. When the tears are welled up right behind your eyes and the slightest disappointment or twinge of heartache could send you right over the edge. I'm trying to blame it on my second month of a new birth contol pill. That is always a good scapegoat. And I know that hormones are playing a role in the gravity of the situation. But I think it may just be me. The boy and I had a little tiff last night and I'm still really hurt by his behavior and although he was insanely apolagetic at first I believe that he is now quite perturbed at me. Or at least I am assuming that since I have not heard from him since said phone conversation. And to tell you the truth, i am straight up tired of caring. As I told him last night, I feel like all I do is take care of him (and everyone else for that matter) and that, w/ the honest exception of Nina last night, who the hell was taking care of me? And I'm fed up with him.
I Love him and when he is good he is so great that my sky is bluer. But sometimes I just feel so damn alone and I know that I would be okay on my own. I wish that I could truly figure out if this was his age (his is soo much younger than I am) or just who he is. And he honestly does work so hard at being a better man for me. And shouldn't that be enough? But sometimes it's not. Sometimes I think that there could be a guy my own age out there who could be all of those things. And that I wouldn't have to work so damn hard all of the time. But the thought of giving up on us at this point breaks my little heart. Maybe I'm just tired...I am so emotionally exhausted. This move and work and living in a place where I am so clearly not wanted r ght now...plus hormones, plus difficult relationship, plus crazy mom equals one tired little girl. Part of me thinks that if I could just close my door for 20 minutes and have a good solid cry that I would be okay. But I can't. Should be one good cryin' commute...if you see a girl in black Corolla weeping in the lane enxt to you, please do not be alarmed.
Life is too funny....at least I"m still smiling through my tears.
5 comments:
Oh Jess, I'm sorry it's been one of those days. I'm such a crier, so I can totally understand the need to cry, solidly for a bit in order to process what's going on. You've been reading along on my journey through the troubles of boy problems, so you know that I fully understand. I wish I knew how to advise you, but all I will say for now is to follow your heart, and to make sure that you are listening to YOU. We've both been dealing with the balance thing, so I ask: does he bring balance or upset it? Does this person support me as I grow? When I'm with him am I encouraged or frustrated? Remember, he must make the choice to grow, to be better; as much as we may love others, they have to make the choice. Which is hard for us tender hearts to watch, but is ultimately the truth.
I'm here if ya need me...you've got my number, and my email. Vent away, friend.
PS. You, me and Nin should have a conference call like some of our "cooler" bloggie sisters do :)
oooh i love you.
and i'd be game with the conference call.
i know i'm bad and i always do this, but don't you just need some grace therapy today? you could come over and eat m&m's out of her belly button. i do have your boots....don't you REAAAAALY need them back today? :)
xoxo
ps i heart your hormones. :)
ah, hormones. they have a funny way of jumbling everything up.
i hope you're feeling better. at least your smiling... stay with that and really listen to yourself to find what makes you happy.
aah Jecca. Here is my big hug for you across the country...
ya gotta just think about what is you really want and need- and follow your heart indeed. Do know that those silly pills make us CRAZY! are you taking a vitamin B complex and Omegas? Those help out enourmously with the eb and flow of our bodies.
find peace, find balance, find your breath... and maybe a really funny movie to bring you up!
Post a Comment