Ho Hum
"There are no shortcuts in life or Love. This pain must be felt. The alternative is much worse. It's what makes us special. What makes us beautiful. What makes us worthy. The pain of how we Love. But that pain is accompanied by something else, isn't it? Hope. With your pain there is hope. And that is where you are. Somewhere between agony and optimism and prayer. So, you're human. You're alive. And that's what we have."

Once again I feel lost to find my own words. I'm searching each and every day for a glimmer of something to believe in. That sounds so dramatic and I don't mean to be that severe about my life. It's a good life. A great one actually. With much to be grateful for. And I know that. I know that with extreme clarity. That's not what this is about. I'm just lost. And sad. And I hate it. I hate being this kind of person who feels negative and empty and focuses on what I don't have. And I'm trying to get out of this rut. I really truly am. But sometimes I just have to look around and ask "why not me?" Really, why not? Why everyone alse and not me? That's all I can think of today. No matter how much I try to be thankful for what I've got. I just can't help but feel so deeply sad. God, I can't wait for spring....I think I'll be okay then...