So, I fought with myself over whether to post this email that I sent to ex-man this morning. i'm still not completely secure with my decision to share this woth the world. Or the blogger world. But something in me really needed to put it out there. It took so much out of me and in my paper-journaling days I would've pasted it into its pages, so I figured that I would follow my instincts. they're all we've got after all....
So I was crying (again) in my car this morning thinking about how i was going to handle seeing him in a few months at a mutual family function. Hopefully by then I will feel better. Okay, i know that I will feel better...but you know what I mean. And it just keeps killing me that this great relationship, for all its faults, ended on this note where we cannot even speak to eachother and where we both are pretending (or i hope he's pretending) not to give damn that it's over. And I realized that that is the root of my sadness. So I decided in the car that I was going to take control. If I have learned nothing else in my 27 year journey through relationships and friendships it is that you need to make your own closure and your own healing. No one can do that for you. So I decided to write him this email. Even if he never responds I feel better knowing that I was honest. And on my terms. And, even though I'm hurting, I can live with that.
So, my friends...that's that. I followed my heart from start to finish. I think that that's all we can do...
1 comment:
no one can make closure except for you... Have you read "Eat,Pray,Love" Think Nina was reading it, see if she has it. Anyway, she makes this point... and it rings so clear in my head.
I am lucky in love, but have found that in work relationships I need to find forgiveness- I had to forgive myself and the ones I was angry with before I felt better.
Big hugs, find some time to do something for yourself that you have always wanted to do- sometimes when a relationship ends, a wonderful journey to the self begins...
xoxo jecca!
Post a Comment