An Invitation to my Party
So, it's nights like tonight that I have to drop my cool exterior and give in to the loneliness. Nights when I finally get home from a draining day of work at the daunting hour of 10pm and have not much to look forward to except getting up and doing it again at 7am tomorrow. And I have to face the fact that, no matter how much I wish I were above it, I would give anything to have someone to greet me with Love and a desire to share my story. Most nights I can relish in the new book that I've purchased, movie that I've rented or yoga routine that I've got planned. And it's not a lack of authenticity. I really do enjoy time to myself and the glories of leading an independent lifestyle. But when I was cleaning the snow piled up on my car tonight with my hour commute home in my future, I just couldn't help but feel so damn sad and alone.
I hate nights like tonight. When the loneliness is palpable and suffocating.
I know it will pass. Maybe I need a good cry. To get it out of my system. But I don't feel like crying. I'm not there yet. It's just beginning to peak through, the weight of this self pity. I'm not ready to give in to it yet. I don't like wasting time on feeling sorry for myself. Life is too short.
So here is my self indulgent, pity party of an entry. I'm putting it, and myself, to bed now.
2 comments:
now, i don't even know you, but i loved the raw honesty of this post. i'm sure that it's not a daily occurance, and i'm sure that most of the time you get through it without so much as a thought towards pity. but i understand that loneliness, even with all the craziness that goes on here at my house. it's raw emotions like this that allow people to be people and to seek out other people. much happiness to you!
BTW, i found your page through nina beana.
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