Sunshine on My Shoulder Makes me Happy...
Okay-I am here to write a "real" post. I apologize for the lame typo-filled entry yesterday, but I knew that if I didn't just jump on and go with it when I had time, there was no hope.

I am sitting here in my living room next to an open window and relishing in the goodness that is Springtime in New England. We don't get much of it and it is unpredictable to say the least. But it is life-changing beautiful. It makes me want to take deep breaths all day long just to get it all in.

So now that my life without the West Coasters is settling down I feel like I can slooow down a bit. Before they arrived I was turning into a workaholic. After much self-reflection I firmly decided to let that over-achieving dog lie. It took me years to extract her from my life before. I'll be damed if she takes over again.

But then Ness and Bren got here and I barely had time to breathe. I missed my couch!! It was wonderful but insane. So now I am trying to ease back into normalcy. And this weather certainly helps. It has it's way of forcing you to take life at a softer pace and just be here. Because you never know when it will snow again....and I think that I need those gentle reminders.

So I am officially embarking upon my first day of Springtime Jess. I hope you are all relishing in whatever you've got...

Long Time No See
I can't even comprehend how long it has been since my last post. i don't know where the time has gone...truly. I just caught up on everyone else's posts and I feel better at least knowing where everyone is at. I have a few moments before my evening class arrives so I figured that I would jump on here and do what I can.

-My best buds were here from LA for the week and it was fantastic as usual. Lots of music, food and laughter. We registered her little sis for her bridal shower, sang at a function with a real live kareoke machine (both humiliating and fabulous), pulled off a suprise 25th anniversary party and just had a generally great time. I am a little depressed today now that they are gone. It is always such a whilrwind when they are here and the crash is inevitable. But they will be back in a month so I focus on that.

-i went on the most fantastic date on Friday night. Really. Just fabulous. He asked me to go out again that night but I haven't heard from him since. I'm not a dater so i'm trying not to panic. And I'm also trying to remind myself that even if he doesn't call I can't get all upset about it. It's not a reflection of me lovability....right? We'll see how that goes...

Okay, that's all the time I've got. Until later...

Anyone Up for some Homerun Derby?
Let me start by saying that I am a true New Englander. As much as i complain and moan about the bitter winter I could never live happily without seasons. There is something so invigorating about the transition from one season to the next. It reminds you of the possibilty...no the inevitability...of change. I thrive under these seasonal circumstances. They breathe life into me no matter how dire my situation may be.

That being said, the major drawback to this is the nostalgia that seems to follow in tow. I spent 6 years with my ex-off and on. Sometimes much more off than on. But nonetheless we spent many a season together. With that came the many seasonal activities. There in lies that nostalgia.

On beatiful early springs Sundays like this we would be on fire. He would wake me up singing his off-key rendition of Lionel Ritchie's "Easy Like Sunday Morning" in my ear and before we knew it some of our friends would be at the door ready with cookout gear in hand. We's all head outside and enjoy the hell out of the great weather. Wiffle ball, card playing, cold beer, delicious steak tips, pasta salad, loud old school music and good friends.

And that's why, even though I know that we could never work out and I was the one that put the period on our relationship, I still yearn for those days. We had a real life together. With patterns, routines and a community. And now someone else is living that life with him. Those cookouts, those friends, those rituals. And as much as I do Love my life....and I do...it's hard not to miss the old days. Especially on days like today when I have to be creative and really struggle to figure out how to use these beautiful spring days all on my own. I've taken a walk, run some errands...and now what?

They say that good stuff is always the most difficult...here's to the pot of gold at the end of this road that I'm constatly trying to see as a rainbow...